Mark Lottering
Mark Lottering

‘From an email doing the rounds’

Why coloureds can’t be terrorists: by MARK LOTTERING

Mark Lottering
Mark Lottering

– Ons is altyd laat. We would have missed all 4 flights.

– We talk loud and would bring attention to ourselves.

– Met free kos en cooldrink oppie plane, we’ll sommer forget why we’re there.

– We praat with our hands, so we’ll continually be putting the weapons down.

– We would ALL want to fly the freaking plane, ending in a “moerse” fight with each other.

– We’ll sommer argue and start a fight in the terminal before we even get on the plane & one of us is bound to say out loud: ‘Gaan kak man! Dan hijack jy die foken plane alleen!!’

– Ons kannie ‘n secret hou nie. We would have told everyone a week before doing it, telling them: ‘Moet vir niemand se nie, ho!’

– We would have insisted that the plane fly past Strandfontein Pavillion.

– We would have all lined up to get our photograph taken by one of the hostages.

– When we enter the cockpit, we would have used the intercom system for a karaoke session, with one doos trying to sing ‘I did it my way’.

– We would first rob every one of their Ray-Bans, cellphones and gold teeth, just before we crash the plane.

– Our whole freaking family plus neighbors would have been at the airport to see us off, crying their “bleddie” eyes out, and your mother saying to the white ou next to her: ‘I’m so proud of him. It’s the first time he’s hijacking a plane!’

– We would have dressed like terrorists for our airport go-way clothes: balaclavas, jumpsuits, karate skoentjies, dark glasses, en ‘n moerse attitude.

– Two of us would have forgotten our passports at home..

– Three of us would have overweight luggage.

– All of us would have luggage.

– We would have all wanted to watch the in-flight movie first.

– Before we went into action, we would have all queued up at the toilet to first gel our hair.

– We would have taken the plane for a joyride first, played the music at full blast and try to park the plane somewhere where the chicks could see us…