Fantastic Toilet Humour from South Africa’s Kruger National Park

By Francois Van Rensburg

Tour guide, Francois Van Rensburg, has shared his true life story of an unfortunate – but very funny – incident at the Pretorius Kop Rest Camp in the Kruger National Park,  Mpumalanga, South Africa.

Photo: FB/Francois van Rensburg

Francois, who works for PenQuin Tours, outlined the course of events – which happened two weeks ago – on Facebook, which he has kindly allowed SAPeople to share here:

“We enter the park at Numbi gate and one can feel the anticipation and excitement building as my guests starts looking for the Big 5.

“My excitement however is building in my stomach and all I’m thinking about is the white throne awaiting me in the restroom next to reception at Pretoruis Kop. A better friend to any human being in agony than the iron thrown in Game of Thrones will ever be.

“We arrive in camp and after pointing my guests in the direction of Wimpy for lunch I sprint to the restrooms at a pace that will make Wayde van Niekerk proud.

“I lock the door of my cubicle as if I am chased by a serial killer undoing my belt with my other hand. I sit down in a position that reminds me of the thinker statue of Auguste Rodin.

“After what probably sounded like the start of World War 3 I look to my left at the toilet paper holder.

“Staring back at me is a empty brown roll!

“With my face in my hands looking down at the floor I think to myself the camp is fully booked and someone should enter the restroom at any minute now to help in my hour of need.

“After 10 minutes I take the empty brown roll and with delicate movements I try to tear off a big enough part to use as alternative but with no luck as it keeps on breaking into small parts.

“That is when my addiction to MacGyver comes in handy and my body kicks in to survival mode. I use my pocket knife and cut two equal square pieces from the back of my underpants while realising I will have to explain this to my wife when I return home.

“Relieved I exit the cubicle, and while washing my hands I notice that the man that was in the cubicle next to me, now standing beside me, is missing a sock.

“Without any questions asked, he replies: “I did not have a knife.”

“#lovemyjob #touristguidesa #blessed”


To read more similar stories by Francois, follow him on PenQuin Tours on Facebook.