HUMOUR: The Boksburg Thesaurus of Computer Terminology

Here’s a great guide to computer lingo in South African terms, from an email doing the rounds…

Log On – Make the braai hotter
Log Off – The braai is too hot
Monitor – Keeping an eye on the braai
Download – Get the firewood off the bakkie
Hard drive – Trip back home without any cold beer
Floppy Disc – What you get lifting too much firewood at once
Keyboard – Where you hang the bakkie and bike keys
Window – What you shut when it’s cold
Screen – What you shut in the mosquito season
Byte – What mosquitoes do
Bit – What mosquitoes did
Mega Byte – What mosquitoes at the lake do
Chip – A bar snack
Micro Chip – What’s left in the bag after you have eaten the chips
Modem – What you did to the lawns
Dot Matrix – Old Jan Matrix’s wife
Laptop – Where the cat sleeps
Software – Plastic knives and forks you get at KFC
Hardware – Real stainless steel knives and forks from Checkers
Mouse – What eats the grain in the shed
Mainframe – What holds the shed up
Web – What spiders make
Web Site – The shed or under the verandah
Cursor – The old bloke who swears a lot
Search Engine – What you do when the bakkie won’t go
Yahoo – What you say when the bakkie does go
Upgrade – A steep hill
Server – The person at the pub that brings out the lunch
Mail Server – The bloke at the pub that brings out the lunch
User – The neighbour who keeps borrowing things
Network – When you have to repair your fishing net
Internet – Complicated fish net repair method
Netscape – When fish manoeuvres out of reach of net
Online – When you get the laundry hung out
Off Line – When the pegs don’t hold the washing up.

Source: Unknown