Nobody’s quite sure who wrote the Rules for Driving in South Africa… but we all know most of them are true!
RULES FOR DRIVING IN SOUTH AFRICA
1. Never indicate – it gives away your next move. A real south African driver never uses indicators.
2. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, this space will be filled by at least 2 taxis and a BMW, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit.
4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will only result in you being rear-ended.
5. Braking should be as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving you a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it’s a chance to stretch your legs.
6. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It’s a good way to check if the people entering the highway are awake.
7. Speed limits are arbitrary, given only as a guideline. They are especially NOT applicable in South Africa during rush hour. That’s why it’s called ‘rush hour….’
8. Just because you’re in the right lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn’t mean that the South African driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn’t think he can go faster in your spot.
9. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tyre. Never stop to help – you will be mugged.
10. Learn to swerve abruptly. South Africa is the home of the high-speed slalom driver thanks to the government, placing holes in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and keep them on their toes.
11. It is traditional to honk your horn at cars that don’t move the instant the light turns green. This prevents storks from building nests on top of the traffic light and birds from making deposits on your car.
12. Remember that the goal of every South African driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary.
P.S. While the Rules above may be funny… the results are not. South Africa lost over 500 people on the road during the Easter period, it was announced yesterday. Transport Minister Blade Nzimande said the main contributory factors to the 510 road fatalities from 29 March to 9 April were related to human behaviour, particularly speeding…