Oh my gosh guys, we’ve cracked 30 degrees! writes South African expat Lauren Bradley, who lives in the UK.

Right kids, walk don’t run. Do you have water? Where’s the water, where is your water bottle? Do you have a water bottle? IS THERE WATER IN THE BOTTLE??

Don’t break a sweat guys you’re going to dehydrate. Where are the hats, sunscreen? We need sunscreen, is it factor 50? Why isn’t this organic? WHERES THE ORGANIC FACTOR FIFTY????? Oh geez why?

Do we have a fan? Where’s the fan? It’s in the back of the loft, it’s so far away and it’s so hot up there, why is it so hot up there??!!!

“Hello babe, can you buy a fan on the way home? I DON’T KNOW, just buy all the fans, get a fan any fan, just a fan, anything, the kids are going to melt, we will NEVER SLEEP AGAIN – actually while you’re there get a sheet – we don’t have sheets – IT’S NEVER HOT ENOUGH TO OWN A SHEET THAT’S WHYYYYYY”

Did I make enough ice? Why does the ice tray never bloody fit, the cubes are always skew and the water is an ice rink at the bottom of the freezer….oh ffs I hate this.

Oh God save us, we only have 2 pairs of shorts and they’re in the wash….oh whyyyyy WHYYYYYY……I can’t get in the car it’s the gateway to hell in there… we can’t leave the house kids, you will never see your friends again.

Frozen peas for dinner, don’t argue.

Turns on CBeebies, makes cup of tea I can’t drink this sh1t it’s toooooo.bloody.hot.

Life in the UK.